WHEN I'M OLD, I'LL WEAR MY BIRTHDAY SUIT
by Cindy Hasz
American Reporter Correspondent
San Diego, Calif.
SAN DIEGO -- I give up. I cannot find geriatric nudist camps anywhere.
There are groups for nude sailors, hikers, bikers, campers, teens and famililes. There are naked paleontologitsts, entomologists and sky divers. There are naked fat people who like to hang out together, naked long distance runners and naked Christians who are very cool with being just the way God made them, but there are no communities of old naked people just being old and naked! What a shame! Having sun apon one's tired, old, worn-out body would seem to me the most blessed thing. So much thin, white skin, so easily bruised and torn, hidden under gobs of what, for the most part, is really bad clothing.
I'm talking about skin - skin that doesn't get to breathe; skin that hosts fungal infections from unnatural heat and moisture bred in the physical confinement of wheelchairs and bed; pasty, sallow skin under the constant florescent lights of nursing homes; forgotten skin, ignored skin, unhealthy skin. There must be a better way for a body to age.
Independent senior living -- in the nude! Now there's a concept. Imagine senior shuffleboard. Socks and shoes, maybe a fanny pack and a hat. What a picture. What a great picture. Walking at the beach, swimming in the buff. Senior grotesque: the new power statement.
It's time for senior liberation. It's time to champion the saggy, worn out work horse that's gotten our octogenarians through decades of this war called life. Time for lotions, fresh air, warm sun, cool breezes and play time.
I think it must be hard to be terribly grim and serious while naked. We all look just way too funny. Why not have fun with it all and strip? After years of being around on this crazy spinning globe you've earned the right to be grey and buck naked and sipping on whatever the hell you wanna sip on and looking perfectly atrocious in full view.
Since there don't seem to be any, I suppose it falls to me to start one. It will need to be in Southern California where it is comparatively warm most of the year. Australia, Portugal the south of France. We will start here but take it worldwide. I'll franchise it, in fact.
Ah, when geriatric gothic is golden; I should live so long.