Humor ... AND NOW, CLINTON'S RESIGNATION SPEECH =
by Mark Scheinbaum
American Reporter Correspondent
Please stand by for this message from the President of the United Sta= tes.
"First, Hillary, Chelsea, and I would like to extend best holiday w= ishes to all of you, after what has been a thrilling, but sometimes turbule= nt election season.
"Over in Ireland I followed the events of the past few days, and co= ngratulate Gov. Bush and Secretary Cheney, and feel the pain and disappoint= ment for Al, Tipper and the Gore family.
"For nearly eight years my critics have declared me politically dea= d on several occasions, but I survived. As a lame duck, there's not much I = can do any more to heal festering political wounds, or to set new legislati= ve policy. So, the next few weeks are for friends, family, and continuity = to the new Bush administration.
"Still, there's a single moment, one final chance to set right a fo= otnote to U.S. election history. There will be more than half of the Americ= an voters who will wonder, well, frankly if election success delayed was ac= tually election success denied.
"Therefore, at 12 noon tomorrow I will resign the Presidency, and I= have asked Justice Stevens, who so eloquently articulated my own concerns,= to swear in Vice President Al Gore as President of the United States. =
"Some will call it a shallow gesture, and some will call it a token m= ove. Yet if it be the will of the Democratic party to give the Vice Preside= nt the nomination again, in another four years, he can truthfully say for n= ow, and forever, 'I have experienced the awesome responsibilities of the pr= esidency.
"Finally, Al and Tipper were informed of this decision--which has b= een mine alone -- just 30 minutes ago. They have graciously told me that I = don't have to get my stuff out of the White House until Saturday.
"T= hank you, and God Bless America."
Mark Scheinbaum is chief market columnist for Money.net