by Erik Deckers
American Reporter Humor Writer
January 25, 2010
THE DECKERS FAMILY, INC., 2010 ANNUAL REPORT
INDIANAPOLIS, Ind. -- Since it's been a year since my last annual report, in keeping with our family by-laws, I want to evaluate our progress over the last 12 months.
Here we go.
To: All members of Deckers Family, Inc.
First, I am pleased to report that DFI has finally moved to its permanent headquarters. I appreciate your understanding and flexibility, since this is now our fourth HQ since arriving here four years ago. However, this one is permanent, and we have no plans to move.
This is an important step for all of us, because this is the first time that any of the junior staff has each had their own workspace. Previously, the Senior Manager and Assistant Manager of Daughter Operations (SMDO, AMDO) were required to share space. In fact, this has been true ever since the Coordinator of Son Operations (CSO) joined us six years ago. So I'm pleased to see that you are all enjoying your new work areas, and that our SMDO is keeping her space neatly organized and free of the types of decorations that your counterparts in other organizations wouold plaster on their walls. (Note to SMDO: While CEO Mommy and I are not opposed to decorations, we have strict policies in place regarding teenage movie vampires and teenage boy bands. We will provide you with approved posters from our local sports teams or cute animals at the appropriate time.)
I have been rather disappointed in the spaces of the AMDO and CSO. While I appreciate the spirit of collaboration and cooperation you have shown over the years as we work together on a wide variety of projects, the resulting condition of your workspaces is a cause for constant concern among senior management.
This is also true for the corporate cafeteria. Remember to clean up after yourselves, and please refrain from raiding the company refrigerator. Many times, those items have been allocated for staff meals or late-night senior management meetings, after the junior staff have shut down for the night. We have purchased several different varieties of fruit, which you are allowed to eat at any time. And please refrain from eating anything one hour before staff meals.
Another note to SMDO: I realize you have been with the organization for nearly 13 years, which gives you seniority among junior staff, but I would like to remind you that this does not make you senior management. You are still responsible for upholding the same rules and performing the same responsibilities as your colleagues, including the care and feeding of our Acting Chief of K9 Security, Sophie. (More on her later.)
Additionally, while I realize that your length of service with the company entitles you to some familiarity with senior management, I'm not quite ready for you to shorten my title of CEO Daddy to "Dad" just yet. I know this will be an issue for some discussion in about six months, when we celebrate your next anniversary, but I'm still holding on to the traditions of the past. Besides, I'm concerned that your colleagues will begin following your example before they, or I, are ready.
Chief Sophie has proved to be an acceptable addition to our staff, although I do not believe a five-lb. Maltese Poodle will actually be able to function adequately in her role as Chief of Security should the need ever arise. So effective immediately, I am appointing her Chief Morale Officer instead, and the Chief of Security position will be left vacant.
We will either leave the position empty, or I may make an executive decision one day by hiring a new chief from the Beagle placement agency. As President, I believe I should be allowed to make executive decisions like this, no matter what CEO Mommy says. I realize she will disagree vehemently, but I will continue to make my case in the weeks, months and years to come until she relents.
However, I am pleased to report that Chief Sophie has vastly improved her performance since she joined DFI in August 2008. She has almost completely stopped "leaving evidence" on the floor, although there have been times that the SMDO has not discharged her responsibilities in time, so Chief Sophie has discharged hers wherever she happened to be standing. There is still room for improvement on all parts.
While 2009 was a somewhat difficult year for us, I believe 2010 will be our best year yet. I'm looking forward to spending time with each of you, and know that you will all work toward our continued success.