by Erik Deckers
American Reporter Humor Writer
October 21, 2007
A MOVING EXPERIENCE
INDIANAPOLIS, Ind. -- "Can someone please open the door?"
"Thanks, Sweetie. I appreciate it."
"No, I'm sorry, you can't help me move."
"Because this box is heavy."
"They're all heavy."
"You can't climb into the moving van either."
"Because I don't want to trip over you."
"Because we're trying to get all the boxes out of it."
"Yes, and the furniture."
"Because we're moving into a new house."
"Because we like it."
"No, there's nothing wrong with the old house. We just don't want to live there anymore."
"Because we like this one better."
"Because it's -- no, Buddy, put that down."
"No, you can't help."
"Because it's too heavy."
"Yes it is. Look, you can barely carry it."
"Fine, take it downstairs for me."
"I thought so. Just set it over there, and I'll get it in a minute."
"Can you guys let me go? This box is getting heavy."
"I'll be back in a minute, then I'll see if there's anything you can help me with."
"In the what room?"
"Never mind. I'll find her."
"There you are."
"No, I can't take my shoes off. I'm not taking my shoes off every time I come in and out of the house."
"Because I'm in and out every 30 seconds. That just wastes time."
"Fine, then you move boxes, and take your shoes off every time. I'll stay in here and unpack."
"All right then. So, where do you want this?"
"Okay. Oh, sh-- I mean, jeez, my back."
"I did not swear."
"No, I almost swore. There's a big difference."
"No, I don't do it in front of the kids."
"I do not."
"That's a load of ... crap."
"See, I didn't even do it then."
"We're about halfway done with the stuff in the truck, and we still have the big furniture to go. I don't know if I'm going to make it."
"I'll see if I can find the ibuprofen. I'm going to get back out there."
"Hey, Honey, what are you doing out here?"
"Okay, you can help. Just be careful going down the truck ramp. I don't want you falling on a box."
"Because you might break something."
"I'm just kidding. I don't want you to get hurt."
"Wait, where's your brother?"
"GAAH! Don't do that!"
"Stop hiding in the empty boxes, Buddy."
"Because you scared me."
"Yeah, yeah, very funny. I'm halfway to a heart attack already, and that doesn't help things."
"Because I'm carrying all this heavy stuff."
"Yes, Buddy, I know Grandpa is helping, too."
"No, he's not having a heart attack."
"No, I'm not having a heart attack, either."
"I just like complaining more than he does."
"No, Sweetie, I don't know where Herman is."
"Because I'm not in charge of your animals - you are."
"You were supposed to pack him."
"What do you mean, 'I'm only six?' You've built entire cities with Legos, and now you expect me to believe you can't pack a small stuffed frog?"
"That's what I thought. Check in the box in your room."
"No, I can't plug in the tv."
"Because we don't have the cable turned on yet."
"I don't know where the antenna is."
"We don't even have anything to set the tv on."
"The entertainment center is in the very back of the moving van."
"No, I'm not going to get it out."
"Because I have a lot of other stuff to get out first."
"I don't care if Hannah Montana is on, you're not going to be able to watch it."
"One, because we don't have cable. Two, because we can't pick up Disney channel with the antenna. And three, because the tv is still at the old house."
"Did you just say what I thought you said?"
"That's good. And don't let Mommy hear you say that. Where did you learn that anyway?"
"I do not say that!"
"Well, not in front of you anyway."
"Where's your brother?"
"Oh no, I'm not falling for that again."
"Hmm, let's see. Why don't I take this new box, and ... spin it around!"
"Uh oh, what's that sound? Something sounds broken."
"Oh, sh-- I mean, crap. I broke one of the wine glasses."
"Buddy, quit doing that!"
"I thought you were in that other box."
"Yeah, yeah, very funny."
"Don't do that ag-- hey, I've got an idea. Get back in the box."
"I'm going to get Mommy. We'll see who swears in front of the kids now."