by W.R. Marshall
American Reporter Correspondent
July 20, 2006
CHARLESTON, S.C. -- You have to hand it to the folks in Congress: our elected representatives are willing to change with the times and not get stuck in some mire of principle or belief or the concerns of the people they represent.
They're willing to evolve; they understand the protean nature of politics, of humanity itself. Just look at the current Republicans; most of the men and women sitting on the Hill probably think Abe Lincoln was a deep-cover communist agent.
And Democrats... . If a Democrat of today saw a 1960's Democrat walking down the street, the sitting Dem would grab up the wife and kids, run inside, bar all the doors and windows - then pay an illegal alien to spread lamb's blood over the door jamb.
And it's a good thing, because change is good thing. No reason to cling to the old ways for the sake of custom, or tradition, or sense - no, if we're going to survive as a nation, we have to move forward.
That's why I'm 100 percent behind this new move to change the Constitution. I mean, look at it; more than 200 years old, written in longhand, with a quill yet, by guys who wore wool in July.
Yes, it's been updated now and again, but it's taken this new bunch to figure out what those old geezers (meaning the people who came before them, not the people sitting next to them) didn't: the Constitution shouldn't just be a document of inclusion, of generosity, or an expression of inalienable rights. The Framers didn't want it to get stuck in rut. They wanted the most important document in the history of democracy to breathe, to grow organically.
They wanted it to not only give, but to take, (it says so right under Pierce Butler's signature.)
There's been a spate of proposed amendments on the floors of the House and Senate recently aimed at fixing the Constitution, and stopping the endless granting this and endowing that. Our elected leaders are hard at work writing constitutional laws banning gay marriage, outlawing flag burning, and even curtailing the power of that pesky press.
Each and every one is a good idea, ideas Jefferson and rest of the ruffled-shirt set wish they'd thought of.
But it's just a start, and frankly, it lacks vision. This is the Constitution of the United States of America we're talking about, the blueprint for the shining city on the hill. We're not writing some penny ante zoning laws for Cooper City, Florida. Let's be bold, just like the Framers; let's go after the big ideas.
Forget an amendment outlawing gay marriage; we need a constitutional amendment banning Democrats. Look, most of the gay population is Democrat. If you write into the Constitution that there can't be Democrats, you don't have to worry about gay marriage because no self-respecting gay person would ever be a Republican. Not only do you take care of those do-nothing Democratic foot-draggers, but homosexuality would disappear.
Next we need a Constitutional amendment banning small cars, which will be easier than you think, once we ban Democrats. There's no money in small cars - no real profit margin. A ban on small cars would get Detroit back on its feet and actually lower fuel prices. The math is easy.
Bigger cars need more gas, and the need for more gas places new demands on oil companies to find more oil; no Democrats means oil companies can go find all that offshore oil that will glut the market and drive prices down. Then we can write an amendment banning the environment - and voila, America is back.
There has to be a constitutional ban preventing any further inalienable rights. Let's be honest; no one really knows what inalienable rights are. Every time someone figures out what one is, someone else wants it and they say they don't have it even though they don't know what it is, and when they don't get it they march or riot, and the next thing you know you've got a revolution on your hands and folks are writing constitutions again. And look where that leads...
What we need is a constitutional ban on the Constitution.