by Erik Deckers
American Reporter Humor Writer
July 21, 2005
WHAT ABOUT 'IDEA FAUCETS?'
SYRACUSE, Ind. -- All thinking must stop! - in Ireland, at least.
According to a story in the London Observer, the Department of Enterprise, Trade, and Investment in Belfast, Ireland will no longer allow "brainstorming," at least not by that name.
Apparently, the DETI believes that the term "brainstorm" might be offensive to people with brain disorders like epilepsy or DETI syndrome. That's an affliction that causes government officials and Political Correctness wonks to come up with half-witted ideas about what MIGHT be considered offensive, without actually asking anyone if it truly IS offensive.
Why else would the DETI order employees to use the term "thought shower" instead?
But, as much as I would love to fight one more PC fight, I just can't. I'm giving up. I've battled against Political Correctness ever since it raised its ugly head on American college campuses back in the early '90s. Now the idea has spread around the world like a pandemic, and those PC wieners are all grown up and running Departments of Enterprise, Trade, and Investment everywhere.
There's nothing I can do but lay down and die, or worse, join the cause. You know, play with a winning team for once. Switch sides and see if I can improve my luck. So, with the banner for my new cause unfurled, let's examine this story once more, only with the enthusiasm of a brand new Politically Correct convert.
(Well, for starters, I can't say "convert," since that has religious overtones, and we don't want to imply that Political Correctness is a religion.)
So let's start with the term "thought shower." While I can appreciate how "brainstorm" might possibly offend people with a brain disorder, I don't think my new teammates though about how pejorative the term "thought shower" could be to people who can't or don't take showers. How about people with no running water? Or people with skin conditions? Or the French?
Or what about people whose thoughts only come out in a trickle? Little attention seems to have been paid to people with low IQs, or people who chose careers in government bureaucracies. They probably haven't had a shower of thoughts in years. So calling it a "shower" instead of a "release of ideas" may be pejorative to people who are stupid or bureaucrats.
And what about "spokeswoman?" Sure, it's gender-specific, and it shows that a woman is just as capable as a man of doing the job. Some die-hard feminists might be upset that "woman" is spelled with an "a" instead of a "y," at least the attempt has been made to be inclusive.
But it's the term "spokes" that bothers me, the new PC crusader. It implies that only people who can actually talk are capable of doing the job. So anyone who communicates through sign language is automatically excluded. The same is true if you can only use written communication, semaphors, or a series of grunts, clicks, and whistles.
It also "may be deemed pejorative" by people who can't afford bicycles, or can't ride them, or are afraid of them. The car industry "may be" having a royal fit over the term "spokes" and the implication that cars are now excluded from government-speak.
"Why not 'axlewoman'?" they "may be" wailing to each other, enraged by the insensitivity of the entire situation. Apparently, the Department of Enterprise, Trade, and Investment is not as Politically Correct as we originally thought.
Don't get me started on the name of the department either.
"Why not the Department of Millennium Falcon, Trade, and Investment?!" Star Trek fans "may be" shrieking from their parents' basements everywhere. "This is an outrage! It's offensive to those of us who favor the Star Wars universe over a universe based on a mere television program."
Of course, some could argue that this line of thinking could upen up a whole new can of worms for fans of shows like Babylon Five, Stargate: SG-1, or Knight Rider.
Boy, all the PC hypersensitivity has me worn out. And now that I've tried it out, I don't like who I've become. In a mere 505 words, I've gone from being an anti-PC crusader to its poster boy (excuse me, poster enthusiast). I've gone from making fun of Politcal Correctness to being one of its staunchest supporters who would never even think about making a single snide remark about it or its wieners (excuse me, advocates).
So I'll rejoin the Common Sense Brigade and continue to do battle against Political Correctness gone amok, making sure that no one goes overboard with their hypersensitivity to non-issues.
Now, about this "brainstorming" thing... .