Vol. 22, No. 5,514 - The American Reporter - September 7, 2016



by Erik Deckers
American Reporter Humor Writer
Syracuse, Indiana
April 29, 2004
Make My Day
QUIET BACK THERE!

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SYRACUSE, Ind. -- "Hey, quiet down back there!"

"No, we're not there yet."

"I don't know, Sweetie. Probably two more hours."

"Five minutes later than the last time you asked me."

"3:20."

"We left at 3:10."

"Because we haven't seen them in a long time."

"Because they live far away."

"I don't know. Because they wanted to move there."

"Because they got jobs that are in that city, and so they had to move down there."

"Because those were the jobs they wanted."

"You'll understand when you get older."

"No, not next year."

"In about 15 years."

"Why don't you kids close your eyes and take a nap?"

"I know you're not tired. I just wanted a little peace and quiet, that's all."

"No, I'm not going to take a nap, I'm driving."

"What, Honey?"

"No, I can't see what your My Little Pony is doing."

"Because I have to keep my eyes on the road."

"That means I have to look where I'm going."

"So I can see what the other cars are doing."

"So I don't get into an accident."

"That's when someone hits another car."

"Yes, people can get hurt that way."

"Yes, they would have to go to the doctor."

"No, Honey, we won't get in an accident."

"Because I'm not going to see what your My Little Pony is doing."

"What? I am being nice. I'm just telling her I can't look at her little pony."

"Yes, Honey, I know it's called My Little Pony."

"Because I didn't want to call it My Little Pony."

"Because I'm a grown man and I don't want to--"

"I am being nice!"

"Quiet down back there!"

"What's wrong, Buddy? What are you fussing about?"

"Honey, don't put your little pony in his face."

"Sorry, I mean your My Little Pony."

"It doesn't matter what it's called. Just don't stick it in his face."

"Because he gets mad when you do it, that's why."

"Because he doesn't like it."

"Well, how would you like it if someone shoved a toy in your face?"

"Your little brother doesn't like it either. That's why you shouldn't do it."

"What, Sweetie?"

"3:25."

"One hour and 55 minutes."

"We're not going that slow. We're going fast enough, it's just that we have a long way to go."

"I'm not going too fast."

"No, I'm not tailgating that guy. He's going five miles under the speed limit, and I can't pass him."

"Because there's all these stupid--"

"Yes, I remember the kids are in the back seat."

"I wasn't going to say that word."

"Or that word either."

"You're the one who keeps saying them, not me."

"Quiet down back there!"

"No, Honey, Daddy wasn't going to say a bad word."

"Because I'm a logical, rational driver who maintains his emotional stability, even when other people go slow in front of me."

"It means I'm not going to say a bad word."

"What's the matter now, Buddy? Do you want a bottle?"

"I know he can't talk, Honey. I just like to talk to him."

"I don't know. Probably in a few more months."

"Could you hand him his bottle please? Thank you."

"It's 3:30 now, Sweetie."

"Yes, five minutes later than the last time you asked me."

"That's right, one hour and 50 minutes."

"If you knew that, why did you ask me?"

"How would you like a watch for an early birthday present?"

"Tell you what, if you close your eyes and take a nap, I'll wake you up when we get there."

"I know you don't want to, but I would really appreciate it."

"Because I need to concentrate on my driving, and having three kids screaming about little ponies and what time--"

"I am being nice!"

"Why don't you close your eyes and take a nap too."

"Yes, I'll wake you when we get there."

"No, I won't tailgate anyone."

"Good night."

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